Monday, November 19, 2012

A relaxing day

It was a busy weekend and while weekends usually go by too quickly for me, I was actually looking forward to a nice quiet Monday with Elijah. Saturday my niece came over with her 2 kids and it was a busy, busy day. We had a great time, but man I did too much and my belly was so sore by the end of the day. Sunday was calmer. We dropped the big kids with their aunt to go bowling for a bit and Jonathan, Elijah and I got Starbucks and walked around Target for a while. I was very glad to get home and relax. Today has been a bit of a lazy day for me, which I needed. Elijah has been really lovey today and I am loving it. 

I just realized I have only about 80 days until little "Peach Blossom" gets here.  As long as she waits until Feb 1, which is 38 weeks, I'll be happy.  Bella came at 37 and Abby came at 36.  I just started getting a few little things for her this past week at the thrift store and consignment shop.  It kinda stinks that I can't use most of the clothes that I had for Elijah because it's all very obviously boy stuff.  It's weird when I was pregnant with Elijah, all I could find was super cute little girls clothes and now I am pregnant with a girl and I am finding super cute little boys clothes.  Go figure.  But I have been able to find a few things between the 2 stores, so she won't have to go naked LOL

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Doctor's appt went well, blood sugar is perfect, blood pressure is 100/55 and had the ultrasound. This little darling was hiding and would not let us get a face picture. But this little baby is now referred to as "Peach Blossom" - it's a girl  :-)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Surprise - Loss - Hope

This has taken me a while to write...it's a little long.

Have you ever been given something that you weren't expecting, but realized how much you wanted it and then it was taken away?  I have actually had that happen twice in the last year. The first experience was with my niece's children.  Without going into a bunch of detail, my niece was having a very hard time and her two children, ages 3 years and 17 months, came to stay with us. It was crazy with 6 kids in the house and 3 of them being 3 and under, but I loved it. Everything was going so well, after a few weeks, we were actually talking about her kids staying for upwards of 2 years so she could try and get her stuff together. The next day we were going to the lawyer to do guardianship paperwork so I could act as a parent to her children with things like doctor's appointments, child care, ect.. At the lawyer's office, my niece decided to send her kids to FL with her mother and they never came back to my house.  It was not just the fact that they were sent elsewhere, there were also a lot of personal attacks on me, my family and my reasons for wanting to be the childrens' guardian, which were completely bogus, but it hurt. The attacks were not from my niece, but her mother and her ex mother-in-law. I was shocked and felt like I had been punched in the gut. I missed them terribly, still do. It was heartbreaking for me because I truly love them and felt very protective of them. But it was also heart breaking for my kids which made it even worse for me. I had to explain that they went to live with their grandmother and that they weren't coming back. Bella took it harder than the other kids. I just cried when Bella looked at me crying and said "But they were suppose to be here for Christmas".
It's still a sensitive subject for me because I really love her kids and I knew that once they went to their grandmother's house I would probably not have any contact with them again. It's been about 10 months and I have seen the 3 year old once since. I miss them and hope they are OK.
After going through that hurt, I thought about possibly fostering in the future and also that I was young enough that I could still have more of my own children if I wanted to and those thoughts certainly did help.

Fast forward then a few months to March. I was busy with the kids and dogs as usual. One day after I took the kids to school I realized that I was about a week late for my period.  It didn't really phase me because I sometimes would go 4-5 months without a period, probably due to my weight and stress. But I thought "Maybe I better take a test". I ran down to the store and they had pregnancy tests that were $1 so I bought 4 of them. I came home and took 2 of them and they were immediately positive. I thought "No way, these are cheap, it's a false positive" So I called my niece because I know she had used the same kind before and I asked her if they were accurate. She got real serious and said "Yeah, they're the only tests I have ever used, so congrats. Oh and don't tell anyone, but since you're telling me this, I guess I'll tell you, I'm pregnant too".  I still didn't believe it, so I called my family doctor and went in for a blood test. Sure enough the nurse calls me the next day and says "you are definitely pregnant!"   All I could thing was "Wow, oh wow" I immediately started to worry. "How are we going to do this?" Jonathan was working 6 days a week between his 2 jobs and we were just starting to get back on our feet after being down for so long. Having another baby was a just a thought we had for the future MAYBE, not now. But then it hit me, we're a married couple, our children are awesome, Jonathan is working, we have health insurance, we're not on medicaid or welfare, we'll be OK. And we just kinda smiled and said "OK here we go!" and I was immediately relieved and excited.

I went ahead and made my first Dr appt and everything seemed fine. I went back the next week for an ultrasound to see how far along I was and I was 6 weeks 1 day, they could even see the heart beat.  Doc said everything looked good, but because I am diabetic he was going to see me every 2 weeks throughout the pregnancy.  Kind of annoying, but OK, no biggie.

Friday April 27th, the big kids are off to school, I have an appt at the vet to take my dog Spunky in for x-rays to do a puppy count and Elijah is being goofy Elijah. Spunky was acting really weird, and I contemplating on even taking her to the vet or just seeing what she does.  We go to the vet, see 5, maybe 6 pups on film, I get her back in the van and before I even leave the parking lot, she starts having puppies in my car. We get home, I get her set up and allow her to labor in quiet.  I decided to go outside and mow some of the grass. Elijah was in his stroller eating cheesy poofs while I mowed for a little while. Came back in to check on Spunky. I went to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding a little. I wasn't sure what to do, so I waited a little. Checked again and it was getting worse, but I felt completely fine. I called the Dr and a different doc called me back.
He told me it was probably nothing and that since the heartbeat had been detected, it was unlikely that I was having a miscarriage, but that if it got worse to call him back. So I let Jonathan know what was going on and that I was going to lay down. Not even 15 minutes later the cramps came on and the bleeding got much worse. I knew this was not going to end well. I emailed Jonathan and told him there would be no baby. I know it's going to sound gross, but I took pictures of what I was seeing to show my sister who works at an OB/GYN office and she said the same thing I was thinking, that much blood loss, I was miscarrying. Jonathan left work and came straight home. All I could do was cry. The kids came home from school and I tried to pull it together. The bleeding got worse. I called the doctor back, told him what was going on and he said to go to the ER. So we packed everyone up and headed over.

They were nice at the ER, but it was very uncomfortable because these aren't my doctors and the the ER is very open with only curtains separating the beds and you can hear everything.  There was a boy to my right who had been playing with his brother , got hit in the face and had a foriegn body stuck up in his eye. He was lucky though because he didn't have any scratches on his cornea and they were able to get it right out.  The woman to the left of me was having bad stomach pains and was diagnosed with ovarian cysts.  Her husband was in med school and quit in his 3rd year. He almost seemed proud to tell the nurses that.  So yeah, not very private and I am sure they all heard my problem. The doc there sent me for an ultrasound. The tech told me I couldn't see the screen and she couldnt tell me anything, I understand that. I was very embarrassed because I was bleeding so bad.  I think it may have surprised the ultrasound tech too. As she is wheeling me back to the ER, the Dr came out of another curtain. They stood behind me and whispered to each other, right there in the hallway. I thought to myself "Damn, can't you at least get me back to my curtain area and not talk about me behind my back". So the Dr come in about 10 mins later and tells me it's a total miscarriage. I knew that already, but it's really hard to hear. He then tells me that I am losing too much blood and they need to give me medication to make my uterus clamp down to stop the bleeding. He said it will make my cramps a lot worse. I wasn't trying to be rude, but at that point I just said "Whatever, hurry up, I need to go home, it's 11pm and my husband has to be to work at 6 am" They gave me a pill there of Methergin and a script for 4 more pills that I had to take every 4 hours and a script for Lortab for the pain. We left and headed home. That was it. It was over. I bawled. It was made worse by the fact that the 24 hour Walgreens didn't have the Methergin. Then we stopped at the 24 CVS a the next corner. We specifically asked if they had the medication BEFORE we dropped it off and they told us yes they had it and to come back in 20 minutes. We pulled back around the drive through 18 minutes later and the lady comes to the window and says "I was just about to call you, we don't have it". I about flipped out. She tried to call some other pharmacies to get it and the only one that was open that had it was 20 some miles away. I told her forget it and to give me the script back. Then she started saying that this was a very serious medication and that I needed to take it. I told her to give me the script I'd just go get it in the morning. And then I cried the rest of the way home. The next few days were awful really. I just tried to stay busy to not think about it, but that didn't really help. I could not hav gotten through that time without Jonathan. It was a side of him that I really hadn't ever seen before. He was definitely my rock and even though it was not a happy time for either of us, it brought us closer together.  Funny how things like that work.

That was it. It was over. There would be no baby. Its funny how it was something totally unexpected, but in the few weeks that followed, I was so happy and excited and looking forward to the adventure. Sure it wasn't perfect timing, but none of mine ever have been and they're wonderful and I couldn't imagine my life without them.

So Jonathan and I discussed it and decided our family didn't feel complete. We talked it over with the Doc and we were given the OK to try again whenever we wanted.  Then we had to talk about, "is this really a good idea? Our house is too small, we're just making it by, I am diabetic and not in the best shape"  But in the same breath we asked those questions we answered them, "The house can be added onto (eventually), we're OK - not great, but not on welfare or anything, and while I am over weight, I am actually in pretty good health, no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol and I am a very well controlled diabetic.  Also we thought about our ages.  I am going to be 35, he's 47.  If we are going to do this, we can't wait much longer.  So we decided to just see what happens and take the approach of "If it's meant to be, it'll happen".  I am very lucky to have the wonderful family that I have and while it would great to add to it, if that doesn't happen, it'll be OK.

Fast forward to today.  It's the day before my 35th birthday.  I don't feel old at all.  In my brain, I was 16 yesterday :-)  My kids are awesome.  Elijah is definitely a handful and possibly the most rambunctious child I have ever been around.  Abby and Bella are just as pretty as they can be and growing up too fast for me.  Alex is a handsome and smart, yet strange boy... like his father haha.  Cory graduated from high school with a scholarship and is working at a radio station while taking full time college classes. They are all so sweet and loving, with us and with each other.  Sure they fuss at each other and there is some sibling rivalry, but they are at the ages I guess where it starts.  It's so cool to see because my siblings and I were not close growing up. What they all don't know is that in 12-13 weeks, they'll have a new sibling  :-)

I have been very anxious this whole pregnancy.  I thought for sure I would have another miscarriage.  Then when I made it to 12 weeks, I thought for sure I wouldn't make it to 18 weeks.  The doctors have been great, seeing me every 2 weeks, sometimes more frequent for blood sugar checks, med checks and once because I had a painful stomach virus that really hurt in my belly button.  I am now 24 weeks. I am seeing doctor Schulman again, who delivered Alex, Bella and Elijah. Due to the diabetes and my history of large babies (even when I was not diabetic) he will not let me go past 39 weeks which puts me at 2/8/13 for my due date.  None of my kids waited until 39 weeks, so I am guessing between 1/25/13 to 2/8/13 we will have a new little baby.  I am getting ready to head out to the doctor's office now for an ultrasound to check for any problems (and genetic problems) and also to confirm the sex.

I know some of our friends and family will have concerns and we understand that.  But we are happy, we are excitd and we will make it work.  It's strange, but everything that I have been through in the last year has made me cherish and love my husband and kids more than I ever thought I could.  I feel like with them, I could conquer anything. 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Boy I am really not good at keeping up with this.  Now that Elijah is 19 months, he is SO active I am barely able to sit at the computer and type for any length of time. Right now he is sitting next to me eating animal crackers. We'll see how long this lasts. 

Elijah really keeps me on my toes that's for sure.  He is by far the most active and into-everything-all-the-time child we have had.  Not only is he active, he is also fearless.  He loves to jump off of things and be swung and hang upside down.  Unlike his big sister Abigail, who couldn't stand to do such thingsbecause it scared her.  I think Jonathan has another "roller coaster buddy" in the future.   

The older kids are doing great.  There's a month of school left, then summer break.  I need to go tomorrow and do our membership to the YMCA so we can swim.  we all really enjoy that.  I'd like to get one of those big, fill-up-yourself pools, but Jonathan keeps telling me we don't need one.  He's right we don't, but it would be so nice to have, to be able to take a dip and cool off any time we wanted and not have to pile into the car and drive. Well I will try to up date more later.  I have a little monkey boy trying to get the computer off my lap to get my attention. 

Friday, January 13, 2012

Where do you think?

Bella, Abby and I were at the computer playing one of those hidden object games.  Bella and I are pretty good at them.  One of the things we couldn't find was a horseshoe. 

Bella - "Momma is that it there?"
Me - "No, I already clicked there"
Bella- "I was trying to think outside the box"
Abby- "well I am thinking INSIDE the rectangle"

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Fish Oil is AWESOME!!!


They don't look like much, just big, honey colored capsules filled with clear fish oil.  I have been giving them to the dogs for years for healthy skin and coat.  Then a couple years ago I learned that taking fish oil can help with psoriasis, which I have on my elbows and knees.  Jonathan showed me an article on it and it said that taking 6000 to 9000 mgs of fish oil daily was suppose to be better than the prescription steroid creams.  So I figured what the heck, I have to try it.  Most of the fish oil pills you get are 1000 to 1200 mgs, the triple strength are 1400 mgs.  So I started taking 6 pills a day, 3 in the morning and 3 in the evening.  Within a few days I saw a noticeable improvement.  After a week, a HUGE improvement!  So I take fish oil, lots of it, everyday.  It hasn't completely cleared the psoriasis, but it has made it much better. 

Now Abigail gets eczema on her face every winter, right around her mouth.  In fact if you look closely at the top picture on this blog of all the kids in my bed, you can see it on her face. I have been treating it with a very mild cortizone and vaseline mix that does seem to help, but I have to apply it several times a day.  I can't use anything stronger on her because it burns her.  Even the mild stuff burns sometimes when it's really bad.  Two weeks ago it was looking so bad that the school nurse called and wanted to know if Abby had ringworm on her face.  I know it's not ringworm, it's the same thing, same time of year, same spot. 

Last week I had an "AH HA!" moment. I wondered if the fish oil would work for her ezcema.  Now the pills are pretty big, so I wasn't sure she was going to be able to take them.  I explained about the fish oil and how it might help her eczema and she was all for trying it which I thought was funny because she is 5!  Abby tried to swallow those big pills for 2 days.  She kept asking "Momma, can I try to take a pill now?"  So finally she did it.  And let me tell you, she was proud of herself!  I didn't want to give her too much, so I decided 2-3 pills day would be good.  I wish I had thought to take a picture of her face that day because now a week later, IT'S PRACTICALLY GONE!  I don't mean it's better or improved, you have to get up real close to her chin and look hard to be able to tell that anything had been there.  In a week I have only put the cortizone/vaseline mix on it once.  All I know is I am convinced.  Not only is it good for your skin, but VERY good for heart health too.  So we are going to keep taking our fish oil here in this house and I am going to recommend to anyone and everyone, if you have skin issues, psoriasis, eczema, dry skin, OR NOT - take fish oil supplements.

OK, OK! I am back.

OK So it has been longer than I would like to admit.  I think I just saw that my last post was at the end of October.  I am not really sure why I feel bad about this since I am likely the only person who is reading this!  Let me just say it has been a whirlwind last few months.  Elijah turned a year, is running all over the place and is jibber jabering like crazy.  He is saying some words now too and at the rate he is going, he's going to be speaking full sentences soon.  He's a mess - absolutely into EVERYTHING!  and if he can climb it, he will.

The big kids are doing great!  We had a really nice Christmas and 2 week vacation from school which was great, but of course we got totally off schedule.  This is their first full week back and let's just say we're all pretty tired.  Jonathan started his new job at the post office last week too.  Thank goodness he is DONE with working at DHR.  So hopefully I'll be able to keep this updated a little better than I have  :-)