Growing as a mother

When I had Cory, I was really young.  Without my mom, I have no idea where we would have ended up.  We lived with my mom until I married Jonathan when Cory was 5 years old. While living with mom I wasn't really able to be a mom myself because everything I did had to go through her - it was her house and well, does any 16 year old really know how to be a mom?  Probably not. So when I got married and moved 900 miles away, I was sort of lost.  Homesick and lost as a parent.  In a matter of 2 months, I was a new wife, living 900 miles away from everything I had ever known, mom of a 5 year old AND pregnant! There were a lot of LONG phone calls to my mom.

So over the last almost 12 years and 4 children later, I am FINALLY in my own "groove" as a mother.  With each baby, I got a little more confident and relaxed.  I think the biggest growth for me as a parent has happened since Elijah has been born.  I did have one major freak out moment when Elijah was 4 days old that Jonathan still teases me for. He calls it the day I went "bat sh!t crazy" - but in my defense I was extremely sleep deprived and hormonal.

Jonathan says I am different now - a good different.  He said he saw it immediately when Elijah was born and that I was different with Elijah as an infant than I was with the other kids.  I feel different.  I am not so uptight and I don't worry like I used to about every little thing.  Don't get me wrong, I still worry, just a little less LOL  I am calmer, more at ease.  I am better.  I wasn't bad before - I am just better, a better wife, a better mother.